so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
