We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
