Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
