im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
