I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
