You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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