I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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