how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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