I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
