How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
