Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
