my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
