She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
