dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
