i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
