He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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