Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
