Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
