my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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