did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my shit smells like andre
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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