I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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