I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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