3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
