I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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