I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
