i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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