a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
