The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
