how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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