Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
