I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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