In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
