I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
