there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
