I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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