i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
