How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
