I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
