Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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