no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
