We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
honey bunches of taint.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
