When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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