No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
