So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
