Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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