That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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