I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
