I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize