He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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