She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
