You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
