I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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