The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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