seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
