We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
