Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
