I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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