I'm going to jail i love you
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
how does that bad decision feel?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
