I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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