Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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