what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
