he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
