I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
