happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
