i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
