I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
