fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
