New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You're like the curious george of whores
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
