Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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