It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
