he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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