I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
