Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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