Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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